I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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