Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What happened to fro yo and sex?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
