The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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