Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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