Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
