Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
