so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
