Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
