My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
