Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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