...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
