Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
