The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
