i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
