Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
