this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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