Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
