so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
