is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
