Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
