Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
