so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
