You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
