I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
