Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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