I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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