Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
