jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
50% drunk capacity currently
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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