Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Randomize
