It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
