I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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