I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
