she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
