Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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