I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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