We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
