Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
