At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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