Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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