There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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