Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the day after is always just damage control
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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