Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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