Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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