i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
