theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
