i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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