Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
