I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
