So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
