we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
