the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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